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By Kelly Purden
With divorce becoming more common every year, it may seem like when marital problems become too much that divorce is the way your marriage is headed. But even if your marriage has reached that stage where you find yourself asking ‘how can I save a doomed marriage?’, there is still hope.
The first thing you must do is communicate with your partner. This means discussing both positive and negative things but it does not include laying the blame on your spouse. This will do nothing to help save your marriage. If anything, it will only make your spouse defensive and probably more unwilling to try and make the marriage work.
You also have to talk about the deeper issues in your marriage which have contributed to its deterioration. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, you have to deal with this sooner or later if you want the marriage to survive in the long run. This doesn’t have to turn into a nasty affair. If these issues are important enough to affect your marriage then you should be able to discuss this civilly and rationally in order to come up with a solution that can benefit your marriage.
Despite the many emotions that can arise during this period, it is important not to blindly rush into actions which could end up pushing your partner away from you. This includes being too involved or affectionate, or being too overbearing. Instead, think calmly about your next course of action. How you can protect and save your marriage.
If that doesn’t work or if your efforts only result in more fighting, try to put some space between the two of you. Time apart can have positive effects, especially if both of you are at an emotionally stressed out.
If the problems seem to be beyond your ability to fix it by yourselves, you should consider trying marriage counselling. Marriage counsellors will be able to help you and your spouse get out into the open the urgent problems you must take care of. They will be able to offer advice and their take on the problems plaguing your marriage.
One of the answers to ‘how can I save a doomed marriage?’ is to make some changes in your life. Even if you make promises to your spouse, it won’t mean anything until you actually make noticeable transformations. Try to improve and make a conscious effort to change the bad habits that could be affecting your marriage.
Your effort is all well and good but your spouse has to be willing to make the marriage work as well. If you have children, it can make it more important that the two of you work out your differences since you won’t be the only ones who will be affected. However, if the children are the only reasons that the two of you can think of to stay together, then you may have some more thinking to do before coming up with the answer to ‘how can I save a doomed marriage?’.
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